Posts Tagged ‘Law School’

Ok, so I never wanted to give into it, but I think over the course of the last quarter (plus some weeks of break and the beginning of a new quarter), I have come to the conclusion — in my oh so extensive experience in the field of studying the law — that many of these “doomsday” descriptions or semi-conspiratorial accounts are fairly accurate. As a disclaimer, this post will largely be a criticism of systemic issues surrounding the law school regime and the development of young rising lawyers.

My first quarter at law school was very similar to my first quarter as an undergraduate. I had a romanticized view of just about everything. As an undergraduate I often thought: “Wow, look at me now. I’m in the same place about which people make so many classic movies such as ‘Van Wilder’ and ‘Animal House.’ ” or “Wow, I’m finally starting out on the path to making a life for myself.” Similarly, my first quarter in law school, I often thought: “Look at me now. I’m in a similar place as so many American politicians, leaders of business, etc.” I looked at everything through rose-colored glasses and thought the hard work and hours put in were representative of me grappling and wrestling with principles of the law — trying desperately to understand an excerpt from some Holmesian treatise despite not really knowing what was going on.

My, how things have changed. After going through some interviews for the summer, I have now come to a realization, which is: “Hey, Chicago_1L, remember all that stuff you learned about last quarter (or will learn about, if not at least for the remainder of the year, for the remainder of law school)? Yeah, none of that is going to matter in your career …. ever. All the effort you put forth to try to learn these complicated issues and high-minded policy considerations, um, sorry to say, but all that was essentially for nothing (except, again, to teach you how to ‘think like a lawyer’).”

Which brings me to another point. I’m sorry, but if you don’t know how to “think like a lawyer” before you get to law school, you probably shouldn’t go to law school in the first place. Thinking like a lawyer, basically, is simply thinking for yourself: in essence, reading material and being able to extract the main principles, adapting those principles to new situations, and making an argument in your favor — that’s it. If you can write an argumentative essay, you can be a lawyer. Of course there are all kinds of issues of formality and structure lawyers must conform to, but these could probably be taught in a matter of weeks.

And lastly, to make the circle of frustration complete, as has been a point of emphasis since the economic collapse, ALL law schools charge essentially the same amount for tuition. While before, this might have been not that big of an issue considering the previous relative openness of the job market for lawyers, it is now a fairly serious problem. I honestly cannot understand how people justify going to “lesser” law schools. Yes, there is an argument (that I may or may not subscribe to) that everyone learns pretty much the same exact thing at all schools (in different ways, probably) such that pretty much all students are about equally capable lawyers upon graduation. However, I understand employers often certainly do NOT subscribe to this belief.

Anyway, the moral of the story is, I have been disillusioned, for the present, with law school and look forward, more than anything, to securing summer work and learning all I can while I am there where I think I will acquire most of the skills I will need for my career (or more than perhaps might be acquired while in school).

Disclaimer

I know this isn’t revolutionary and has been discussed before, but I don’t find any of the arguments against it compelling. I’m further aware that something like this won’t happen in the next thirty years. Cut me some slack and humor me.

Theory

If you are of a certain level of intelligence, once you have Lexis/West training, you are ready to begin practicing law.

Proposal

Bring back apprenticeship programs. Regulate and formalize them so that prospective lawyers apply directly to law firms, instead of law schools.. Vault 20 firms would be like the t14. Small firms and solo-practitioners would be the new TTTs.

LSAT

The LSAT survives and is still a determining factor in your acceptance to each firm.

Apprenticeship

The apprenticeship lasts 12 months; the apprentice pays tuition to the firm. The firm evaluates you and, if you perform at an acceptable level, offers you a job. The ABA requires an 80% offer rate to remain an accredited apprenticeship firm.

ABA

The ABA will accredit and monitor the apprenticeship programs. Small firms would be monitored like home schools.

Bar Exams

Unchanged, it’s not like you learn this material in law school.

Discussion

First, this system makes great strides in correcting the legal market oversaturation problem. With the law schools/middlemen cut out, every apprentice would know exactly where they stand regarding their post-apprenticeship jobs. Firms, knowing that they have to give job offers to almost all of their apprentices, will not bring in more than they need.

Second, law school is retarded. Taking broad classes and learning of the various restatements of law has very little practical value. Lawyers research, write, and argue. I will receive relatively little practice in these areas during my three years at HLS.

Third, it’s practically impossible to flunk out of a top 50 law school. You can learn nothing, get perfectly competitive grades, and walk out with a JD. I’ve barely gone to class this semester and I have exams in two weeks. I’m reviewing outlines right now and I’m going to do fine. By Christmas, I will not remember a single concept from this semester.

Fourth, no more insane tuition bills. Law school is overpriced. Nine-months after I graduate, my ~$200,000 in loans will be growing at more than $1400 per month. I nearly vomit every time I think about it. Under the apprenticeship model, you pay the firm $20k for your year of training. I arrived at this number after discussing this idea with a partner at a V20. He thinks it would cost large firms about that much to train each apprentice. Max loans would come out to ~$40k.

Fifth, this substantially reduces recruiting costs and will lower turnover. Law firms save money and (hopefully) will use these savings to hire more associates.

Address my stupidity in the comments please.

Remember when I said that the idiots who populate Harvard Law School are all terrible looking? I must now redact the statement in order to alter it slightly: “The idiots who populate Harvard Law School are all terrible looking, except the Asian females.”

This is not to say that the Asian chicks at HLS are unanimously attractive, there are more than a few Lena Chen’s trolling the hallway. It’s just, when I think about the attractive women on campus, eight out of ten are Asian. This includes of course, their de facto leader, Professor Jeannie Suk.

A week or two back, while I was stumbling through the halls after an awesomely unpretentious lunch consisting of a Spike’s Junkyard Hotdog and a 40oz Budweiser, I ran into the obscene beauty that is Professor Suk. Our meeting wasn’t ideal, as when I say that we ran into each other, I mean we literally ran into each other. Fortunately for Prof. Suk, this wasn’t the first time I’d bowled over a tiny woman while intoxicated – I firmly grabbed by her minuscule hips, pulling her close to prevent either of us from falling.

At the time, her youth forced me to believe that she was a student. I spent the next three days friending every Asian-female member of the 2010, 2011, or 2012 HLS facebook groups. (I also friended some random white dudes in order to prevent my feed from resembling a Foxwood’s Pai Gow table, though I now realize that made it look even more like a Foxwood’s Pai Gow table.) Obviously my efforts were fruitless.

A few days ago, I brought up the situation while I was conversing with the annoying gunner sect in my torts class. They immediately identified the female in question, though there was some debate as to whether or not she was on campus this semester. They also informed me that she was married to some Jewy, superstud professor. Some insecure guys might have taken the news poorly but I happen to be a Jewy superstud, so I figured I had a pretty good shot at turning the poor, prestigious Professor Feldman into a sissy, cuckold.

Ok, so I’m kidding about the Professor Suk thing (awesome photo here), she getting pretty old and I don’t feel like competing against a former Supreme Court clerk. I’m not kidding about the yellow fever though, which brings me to the my next point – hooking up in law school is strange.

I seduced my first Asian over the weekend, a classmate (not a sectionmate, thank god). The sex (and even the post-sex McDonald’s) was great. She was far less stuck-up than I first anticipated. Fortunately, because everyone in law school is constantly slammed with work, she had to leave right after she finished her McNuggets (with sweet and sour sauce).

Still, she’s been super clingy in our three encounters since the event, which is a bit of a problem, I’m trying to move on to her equally Asian friends. I didn’t expressly state that I wasn’t interested in a relationship, but I assumed the undergrad rule was still valid: “If he doesn’t spend more than $25 on you, he’s just not that into you.” Even if you include the cost of the condom, lube, and McNuggets – I’m at like $10.

So if you read this “Jen”: please stop kissing me in-front of your friends, I don’t really like you. Unless I’m super drunk and/or lonely, we will not be seeing each other naked again.

For the first time in four years I am spending the summer at home. As an undergraduate student, I stayed on campus each summer, but as of May 18th – that title no longer applies. Whenever I venture home I pretend that I am camping as we live in the boondocks, we don’t have a land line, our house is the one place that was apparently overlooked by AT&T’s “more bars/more places” campaign, and internet access is nowhere to be found. Needless to say, while at home I seek any (and every) escape I can find. I was hoping to land a paid escape for the duration of my stay in order to complete my epic battle against my credit card and put a few sticks of furniture in the new apartment (whenever I get around to finding one). Unfortunately, there isn’t much work in my area where a few floundering factories provide the majority of local jobs.

After a few agonizing days of uninterrupted “camping,” I was excited to receive an 8AM interview at a call center. The call center is about an hour from my house in the boonies, so I woke up at 6AM, got dressed, filled the tank, and made the journey only to be told – not even two minutes into the interview – that I was overqualified for the job. The interviewer politely explained that my college degree means I am destined for more than call center work (although I’m not sure she was entirely in the know; I mean, a BA isn’t what it used to be). I wanted to thank her for wasting my time, gas money and beauty sleep just to tell me that in person, but instead I explained that I will be seeking out my true destiny in August at Cornell to which she replied “that works out great then because we aren’t currently hiring for short-term positions.” Did you read my application AT ALL, woman? I checked the short-term/summer box! Back to the boonies…

If it isn’t one thing around the house, it’s another. First, death found time to visit our decrepit, old lawnmower leaving us with half an acre of overgrown field for a lawn. To make matters worse, there have been multiple bear sightings in the area. Most recently, an adult black bear was spotted in the local Arby’s parking lot (guess he was thinking Arby’s?). When we finally resurrected the lawnmower long enough to cut the grass nearest the house, we discovered a large flattened area where something VERY large had been lying undetected. Great.

I love balmy rainstorms during the summer. Tonight is a particularly stormy evening and I couldn’t wait to curl up under the covers. The rain is pelting the windows steady and hard. Brilliant streaks of blue, white and violet lightning flair at odd intervals, and the thunder that follows is intense enough to shake the house. All that’s missing is a howling wind. Anyway, I was headed for bed when I noticed a gurgling noise in the closet. No, it wasn’t the Arby’s bear. The roof was leaking. Apparently it has been for a while. Before I could go to sleep I had to fetch an empty 5-gallon paint bucket to replace the already full one (which was bubbling over and making the gurgling sound). I ventured to the bathroom to dump the bucket, cleaned the pieces of drywall and roof that had found their way into the bucket out of the tub and, well, then I wasn’t quite sleepy anymore. I grabbed a Klondike bar out of the freezer and cozied up on the couch to document these recent misadventures for the blog.

In between bear battling and job hunting, I’ve been trying to work with LEEWS, which has caused me to have serious jitters about becoming an attorney. I mean, people are going to trust me with their problems and expect me to provide satisfactory solutions. What if I suck at it? Of course, I have to survive law school first…

1L FEARS
1) Cornell’s notoriously small class size will = lots of annoying gossip.
2) Law school will be full of inescapable phony people.
3) I will become boring/uninteresting/neurotic.
4) I will have no time for the activities that I love.
5) I will be in the bottom of the class.

1L GOALS
1) Keep up my running.
2) Top 10%
3) Keep my easygoing nature in tact.

1L PREDICTIONS
1) By the end of 1L I will look something like this:

2)…and I will manage to land somewhere in the middle of the class.

Well, the wind just kicked up to complement the symphony raging on outside. I’m going to try to get some sleep.