So it’s official: I accepted the job offer and now I have to start withdrawing my applications from other places. It’s a pretty big relief to have my summer employment situation squared away. Without getting too far into the details, I’ll just say it’s a government position, it’s in New York City, and it’s unpaid. I’ll be living off my tax refund and Columbia’s guaranteed summer funding for public interest work. In order to qualify for the latter, I have accrue five volunteer hours helping the Public Interest Law Foundation with their two major events this spring: the PILF Auction and Deans’ Cup. The auction is this Thursday and I signed up to help out. Hopefully I can knock out all five hours so that I can just be a spectator at Deans’ Cup (our annual basketball game against NYU Law).

Now that the summer job thing is out of the way, I can put all my energies toward keeping up with my reading. Unfortunately, I just discovered this little show called Jersey Shore. Now, part of me feels that I should get up-in-arms about this affront to New Jersey and Italian-Americans just like my fellow Jersey countrymen, but it’s undeniable: Jersey Shore is just good TV. I’m about halfway through season one.

This weekend was supposed to be just like last weekend and I was supposed to be totally dominated by my brief. To a large extent that was true, but I did manage to see Shutter Island with James, my non-law school friend and neighbor. I usually hate movies like that but I thought Shutter Island was pretty well done. Anybody else see it? I think the trick to being cool with handing over $12.50 to see a movie is to lower your expectations to the floor before going in. You’re guaranteed to enjoy it. Unless it’s so bad that no amount of lowered expectations can save it (see: Vanilla Sky, Memento, Clerks II).

Anyway, the second draft of the brief is due tomorrow. I’ve finished the bulk of the changes I needed to make, but I need to edit it down big time. It’s just way too long. I have to cut at least two pages. But I’m so sick of looking at the damn thing.

So I just found out today that there are admitted students events going on at CLS this week? If any admits are reading this and have any questions about the school, feel free to leave them in the comments. I’m probably not the best person to dispense advice since I don’t think I’m having the typical 1L experience…but I also don’t hate law school as much as other 1Ls seem to so maybe I am an appropriate person to deal with the as-yet untainted 0Ls…

High school was far from the high point in my life. I was shy and didn’t have much self-confidence. I made mostly A’s without trying very hard, didn’t drink or really do anything very bad. In college, the CHI ceramic hair straightener was invented and suddenly it was a whole new world for me. Needless to say, I was not all that thrilled to hear from 2Ls that law school is exactly like high school. But they were right!

• Lockers. In high school they were a necessity. Mine was a veritable jungle of loose papers, pens, Post-Its, hair ties, spare gym clothes, and other crap. My locker today is bare except for a pen and a flyer for some event by the Center for Chinese Legal Studies. Theoretically, it’s a very handy thing, my locker. But since I prefer to leave the law school building the second class ends, I really have no use for it. I can count the number of times I spent any significant amount of time at the law school outside of class hours on one hand.
• Crowded hallways. My junior year, a wing of the high school had to be shut down while they cleaned out the asbestos in the walls. (Yeah, Jersey public schools!) As a result, they put us on a split schedule with the upperclassmen arriving at 6AM (as opposed to our normal 7:15AM) and checking out at 12PM. Then the underclassmen came in and had their classes till 6PM. This lasted about a month. Our high school was so overpopulated that the infrastructure couldn’t handle us. Similarly, in law school, practically everyone is on the same schedule and all the classes are held in this one building. When class ends and people pour into the hallways it’s always impossible to move for a minute or two while people mill about.
• Gossip. I guess gossip will exist whenever people are thrown together in any context, be it school or work or whatever. I’m not really plugged into the whole law school gossip scene; I never know what’s going on. Occasionally I’ll hear interesting things, but on the whole, law school gossip is a whole lot nerdier than high school gossip: who’s working where, who got what grades, who’s stalking what professor’s reading groups…that kind of thing.
• Back pain. One year the problem got so widespread at my high school that the administration sent a note home with “helpful tips” on how to reduce back pain. Their favorite suggestion was the rolly backpack. And just like in high school, wheeling one of those things around the law school is not an option. So on Wednesdays, the day I have four classes, I trot back and forth the ten blocks to my apartment to switch out books thus ensuring that I am as inefficient with my time as humanly possible.
• Pizza. Maybe your high school wasn’t like this, but mine always smelled like pizza, whether they were serving it that day or not. The smell just always kind of hung in the air. Similarly, Columbia reeks of pizza all the damn time. You walk in the front doors and you’re immediately assaulted by the thick cheesy aroma because this or that organization is hosting a lunch and no one goes to anything during their lunch hour unless there is free food (this aspect is a lot more like college than high school). Crafty organizations advertise their events with the alluring “non-pizza lunch” descriptor. It doesn’t matter what it is, but if it isn’t pizza, it’s sure to draw a crowd.

In other news, by this time Friday I’ll know what I’m doing this summer. Actually, I already know what I’m doing in terms of the work, but location is still sort of up for grabs. Well, not really. I’ll be in New York of course. But Friday I have a deadline to accept an offer. The only reason I’m waiting is that I still haven’t heard from another organization that I would also really like to work for. The jobs are the same so it doesn’t really make a difference though. But it’s exactly the kind of work I came to law school to do so I’m pretty excited about that. I can’t wait to be working again.

As I noted in the previous post, we just turned in our open memo assignment last week. The completion of that assignment, while joyous with mimosas and pancakes, also signals that the end is near — the end of the quarter, and with that comes exams. So last week was my last fun week for a while. And it certainly was a fun week. After completing each 1L writing assignment, the law school hosts a party for all students: $20 for an open bar night somewhere. Last quarter it was the Party of the First Part and this quarter it was called The Over the Hump Party. I think last quarter’s party was probably more enjoyable, maybe partly because the venue for this quarter’s party was like an Indie Rock bar — sorry hipsters, but your music is lame. It was especially lame since all most people wanted to do was throw back some drinks, have a good time, and maybe head out onto the dance floor for some good old-fashioned bump and grind. And Indie Rock is most certainly NOT conducive to bumping and grinding, thats’ for sure.

Anyway, the day after the Hump Party was Friday, which means Wine Mess Day. But this was an extra special wine mess. Almost immediately after “the mess” (held an hour later this week) was the Law School Musical, which was hilarious. For those who are unfamiliar with what a Law School Musical consists of, basically, its a chance when students get to make fun of, and other students get to laugh at, all the things we deal with on a daily basis. The jokes this year included putting a giant Chinese dragon-like elephant on stage when discussing OCI and the economy …. the economy thereby being likened to “the elephant in the room.” So clever. Other jokes were just unabashed attacks on the idiosyncrasies and quirks of most of our professors, equally clever and hilarious. And literally nothing was sacred — attacks on the way they dress, their national origin, their senses of humor (or lack thereof), their age, and weight were all fair game. One might think that professors get pretty upset with all this laughter at their expense (indeed, I have since learned that many professors forego attending for this very reason), but given the level of humiliation they put all of us through 5 days a week, I really don’t care that much. Plus, one of the cardinal rules of having a decent sense of humor, I think, is being able to laugh at yourself.

Anyway, after those fun events, and after recovering from a splitting hangover headache, it was time to focus back on school. Yes, exams are coming, and this quarter they cover twice as much material as last quarter. So I’m back to being the library on a consistent (and perhaps constant) basis — outlining, reviewing notes, reading supplements, etc. in an effort to try to make this quarter’s grades just a bit better than the last. So goodbye for now, fun. Hope to see you again possibly in March?

Last night, while reading a random case in a random casebook, anxiety struck. I stood up and walked to a mirror, and examined my pale face. Though I had shaved a few hours before, my facial hair follicles were visible through my transparent skin. More than my like of color, I felt as though I didn’t know the man looking back at me. And so began another 1L freakout:

Law school has ripped out my soul. I can’t pick out a single moment during law school when I was truly happy. I don’t like my classmates, I don’t like the work, I don’t care about any of it. In this moment, I realize that I would be a much better and happier person if I quit. Accept that it isn’t the job for me and find something I actually want to do. I could be a police man, a teacher, a car salesman, a corporate drone – anything would be better than spending a lifetime toiling away at something I hate. And for what? Five-to-ten million extra dollars over my lifetime?

Oh right. I went into this for the money and it’s the money that keeps me here. I will make more money my first year out of law school than I could in the three I miss, combined. Despite hating every part of this miserable, vapid profession, I want the money. And at this point, it’s the only reason I’m here.

The people who bother to make friends on campus are the same people I hate. I can’t sustain any decent hobbies because I spend all of my time either dealing with law school or coping with the depression it causes. I get up and watch TV, I go to school and hate my life, I come home and watch TV. It’s a terrible cycle. Occasionally, just as cobwebs form between my thighs and my shriveling manhood, I go to a bar and pick up a girl I would have spoken to as an undergrad. I thought about hiring a hooker the other day, I even browsed some local ads. I’m in a terrible place.

I know I shouldn’t enter the profession, this obviously isn’t for me, but I’m not a quitter and I want to live the life of a six-figure earner. I’ve lost fifteen pounds since starting HLS. I eat shit fast food all the time and I never workout. I have no motivation, no drive. Law school is crushing me.

And it’s not hard. Anyone could comprehend the material. It’s just that nobody wants to. Lawyers leach from the successful businesses and people of our country. We are the middle-men in a useless system that we created. We get to bill $300 an hour because nobody else wants to deal with the bullshit that lawyers encounter every day. There are no happy lawyers, only oblivious nincompoops. I can’t believe I’ve done this to myself.

But what am I complaining about? Nobody likes their job. At least, if I have to miserable, I’ll make a good amount of money. And besides, I can skip class tomorrow and it won’t even matter. I should call up Christina, she seemed pretty cool. Maybe we can go get some food and drinks. Yeah, I would like that.