Archive for July, 2009

I am too old for an identity crisis, and too young for an existential crisis, but this summer I experienced both. I dyed my hair a new color each week, pierced some places and tattooed others. I even changed my name. I felt pretty bad-ass for a while, joined my cousin’s band, and sang on weekends in the local dive bar. My first ever performance was something sensational. Proud Mary was rolling on a vodka river, and I dragged my sisters on stage with me to sing back-up. They threw in a haphazard imitation of Tina’s famous dance moves, and we were a hit.

In the midst of my identity crisis came the existential crisis. Suddenly I was tired of playing dress up, tired of the hair dyes, tired of everything. I just moped around in my pajamas all day. Every now and then I looked in the mirror and wondered how much more lint would collect in my hair if I continued not to brush it, and how long I could get away with not taking a bath before my mom called in the HAZMAT team. I felt like my best days were in the past. I went apartment hunting and saw the happy little undergrads running around, totally oblivious to anything beyond themselves. Then I thought, “that used to be me.” I used to have zero responsibilities other than some trivial homework. No one was ever counting on me except for my friends who never asked for much more than an entertaining time together. Compared to the past, the future seemed like a boring, monotonous, unimaginative chore–work, bills, and the occasional meaningless trinket – hardly a prize compared to what one goes through to get it.

To get out of this rut, I did something kind of dorky. I wrote down every single one of my fears, and then I wrote down why each one doesn’t matter. Some were just plain silly, and after reading them I had to laugh. Some were simply unavoidable, like death, and being honest with myself about that made me realize how pointless it is to worry about what cannot be changed. Others showed me sides of myself that weren’t pleasant, things that need to change. For instance, I’m not happy unless I am planning something, executing a strategy to accomplish this or that. Even when things don’t go as planned and I have to re-plan, I love the sense of purpose, of progress toward a goal, and it’s hard to feel complete without being in that state. However, I know now that too much ambition and not enough contentment can make life feel pointless. Everyone gets tired of the chase after a while, and at that juncture it’s important to have some other source of happiness.

I think the whole identity crisis was probably just me rebelling against the fear of finally growing up and supporting myself – oh and my not-so-secret fear that becoming an attorney will drain all the life out of me. My dorky fear list helped, and I’m happy to report that I am bathing regularly again. For my Hawaii friends, I’m keeping it “pono” from now on.

~ <3 ~

Well, first things first, still no updates from any schools for which I have been placed on a waitlist, unless you count Columbia sending multiple letters asking whether or not I would like to remain on their Reserve List. I think they have sent three different versions of this same letter by now, so I guess I am currently on their “Third Reserve” List. It might sound more selective, but in actuality it just means more frustration and is more of a hassle than staying on other waitlists. Quite honestly, I’m not entirely sure why Columbia keeps sending out these multiple “waitlist notices.” It just gets more and more upsetting every time I receive a letter from them even though I am positive, if accepted, I would not attend.

I was keeping my fingers crossed for a while with respect to the waitlist offers I have out at Stanford and Harvard (especially Stanford) but am now certain I will receive nothing more from them other than an rejection letter, if that. Not that I’m upset or anything and I’m not sure why I’m still harping on my admissions cycle. I’m really happy to be attending the University of Chicago for several reasons: 1) Chicago is a great city, 2) smaller class size (which means a lot to me as I come from a background rich in public schooling with large classes), 3) its reputation for academic rigor and intellectualism (law school isn’t simply a trade school for me, though I am looking to pursue corporate work), and 4) plainly put, its prestige (U of C, I think, deserves much more respect than US News affords it).

Another small update in my progression as a rising 1L is that I recently received some of my loan information. Yup, something like $55K borrowed in my first year. No big deal. I’m very thankful to have parents who are willing to support me at least somewhat during my time as a student so I hopefully won’t be in TOO much debt (only like $120K or so). My folks were also able to pay for my undergraduate education, with my grandparents’ help, way back when I was still an infant through some form of state tuition payment program – not sure how it works exactly. All in all, not a terrible financial situation even though I did manage to turn down a near-full-ride from a T14 school.

In reference to my work schedule, I’ve been working two jobs for over a month now and, to speak plainly: it sucks. I work double shifts (days where I work at both my unpaid internship and my BS paid job) at least two days a week and most of the time three to four days a week. On these special days I leave home at 8am and don’t return until 11pm. That’s a 15-hour day, not that I’m counting or anything.

But I did manage a small success in my internship. After extensive document review, legal research, etc., into a particular case one attorney assigned me, I finally submitted a memo to her providing the facts of the case, my analysis, and the conclusions/courses of action I recommended. She thought it was great! She even forwarded it to her supervisors so that they might take a look and further lavish me with praise. I think her exact words were: “This is so above and beyond my expectations; a very thorough and detailed analysis. If you had any doubts about your success in law school, I think that your performance here may put those worries to rest.” So like a said, a small success.

Lastly, and on a more personal note, I recently started dating a new girl, which has been great so far! But that also presents some problems, since I’ll be moving to Chicago in, oooohhhh . . . about six weeks. I’ve traditionally never been a believer in long-distance relationships, but for a few reasons I’m not so sure about that anymore. We even talked about this issue the other night, which was refreshing to get our opinions and viewpoints out into the open. I’m still not really sure where things are going to go with this relationship, but we both agreed that we thought we were very compatible and that we could see each other being together for a long time if given the right circumstances (at least, I think that’s what we agreed on . . . I’m not sure, she might correct me as she reads this column).

At this point, all I know is that I care about her very much and that I enjoy her company in whatever we do. One last thing I’ll note is this: coming from the Greek life (that’s Greek as in fraternity/sorority . . . not as in Athens, the Aegean Sea, etc.) I traditionally dated only sorority girls. Not to bash on sorority girls or anything (cuz I love ‘em) but this new girl is very different in that she’s actually (how should I put this?) . . . smart. Like I said, not to bash on anybody in particular, but in relation to the girls I have dated in the past, this girl definitely has more substance, is much more well-spoken, and can engage in thoughtful and meaningful conversations much more easily. All in all, I think things are going well and I’m really hoping that geographical distance won’t be the one thing that breaks us up.

See you all in August.

The degree to which Law School has consumed my thoughts is extremely punctuated. I decided I wanted to go in Fall ’08 while studying for an Organic Chemistry exam during Thanksgiving Break, and thought of nothing else. I didn’t think about it again seriously until prepping for the June LSAT, then it became my life. I applied and got accepted early decision in November. It felt incredibly near when I attended admitted student’s day in May but now 1L feels extremely far away, though orientation is only a month and a half away.

Part of the problem is that I don’t want to get ahead of myself. Everyone I’ve talked to says that summer prep is useless – with the possible exception of a quick read of Getting To Maybe and a healthy dose of relaxation. In that vein, I’ve been spending my time on a friend’s boat (seriously, everything is better on a boat), watching movies, and catching up with old friends. There will plenty of time for law school (and documenting the process) in the fall!

The only substantive thing I plan to do now is research places to apply for a 1L summer position. Since we can’t contact career services or apply before November first (per NALP guidelines if memory serves) it makes sense to do leg work before I’m swimming in exams.

In other news, I’ll be watching fall OCI (via abovethelaw.com and current students) carefully to determine how panicked I should be about the prospects of actually procuring legal employment after school. But even if it’s bad I refuse to ‘go gunner’ – instead I’ll just fallback on my old plan of renting out jet skis in the bahamas (somebody’s gotta do it!).